Courage and heart

Life in Sweden, I did not think I would adjust this quickly. In only a couple do days I where back in my old life. Or so I tought. 

Here I now sit in one of my first moments alone, my first time to breathe and look a bit at what I have created. It may seam like it's the same life but I see a big difference. I now see what an opportunity life is, or I see it more clearly than before. I have always known I can do anything I set my mind on. But I have not every thought I could set my mind on something bigger. I have discovered a life where I want to challenge myself, challenge myself to face my fears. 

Like at work, my biggest fear is to call people and ask them to pay the invoices. I my first challenge was to pick up the phone. The first days I could sit and just stare at the number. What I wanted was to have a strategy for how I could make it. I was so afraid of making a mistake, say the wrong thing, to fail. But I could not for my life understand how I could now what the man in the other end would answer. After two days of taking care of other tasks, pushing my dreaded call into the future, I decided; I just had to do it. 

 

The first call did not go very well, I was nervous and insecure. The second did not ether go well, nor the third or the fourth. But I made it in the end. It took some time but after every call I felt better, even though I had not achieved my goal I had got some more information, another lesson, and I tried again and again. What a wonderful feeling I got each time I hung up the phone, or the man in my ear to so. I had done it again, failed getting our money, but still i tried again, fighting even though my whole body was shaking.

It's an amazing feeling, discovering I did not fail even thou I did not achieve my goal. Discovering this was how I was learning. Discovering that by fighting in a position were I felt the most week I got an extremely wonderful felling of confidence and proudness over myself. 

So now, every time I think “no I can’t do that” I want to reflect over why and if I discover it’s because I’m afraid, afraid of failing or making a fool out of myself I will do it. Just because of that. If I’m afraid of shouting when I’m out walking I will do it, prove to myself I can do it, can do anything.

 

To my two sisters - Because you always have the courage and heart to do as you feel.