Life in Sweden, I did not think I would adjust
this quickly. In only a couple do days I where back in my old life. Or so I tought.
Here I now sit in one of my first moments
alone, my first time to breathe and look a bit at what I have created. It may
seam like it's the same life but I see a big difference. I now see what an
opportunity life is, or I see it more clearly than before. I have always known
I can do anything I set my mind on. But I have not every thought I could set my
mind on something bigger. I have discovered a life where I want to challenge
myself, challenge myself to face my fears.
Like at work, my biggest fear is to call people
and ask them to pay the invoices. I my first challenge was to pick up the
phone. The first days I could sit and just stare at the number. What I wanted
was to have a strategy for how I could make it. I was so afraid of making a
mistake, say the wrong thing, to fail. But I could not for my life understand
how I could now what the man in the other end would answer. After two days of
taking care of other tasks, pushing my dreaded call into the future, I decided;
I just had to do it.
The first call did not go very well, I was nervous and
insecure. The second did not ether go well, nor the third or the fourth. But I
made it in the end. It took some time but after every call I felt better, even
though I had not achieved my goal I had got some more information, another
lesson, and I tried again and again. What a wonderful feeling I got each time I
hung up the phone, or the man in my ear to so. I had done it again, failed
getting our money, but still i tried again, fighting even though my whole body
was shaking.
It's an amazing feeling, discovering I did not
fail even thou I did not achieve my goal. Discovering this was how I was
learning. Discovering that by fighting in a position were I felt the most week
I got an extremely wonderful felling of confidence and proudness over myself.
So now, every time I think “no I can’t do that”
I want to reflect over why and if I discover it’s because I’m afraid, afraid of
failing or making a fool out of myself I will do it. Just because of that. If I’m
afraid of shouting when I’m out walking I will do it, prove to myself I can do
it, can do anything.
To my two sisters - Because you always have
the courage and heart to do as you feel.
